I was sitting at my computer the other night listening to Lettermen’s top ten list in the background and had an idea to do a top ten list of my own. The past few weeks have been tough for me, so my pessimistic nature is at an all time high. With negative thoughts running rampant in my head, I decided to compile a list of The Top Ten Things I Hate Most About Training. Maybe once I snap out of this funk, I’ll do a top ten list of the things I love about training, but until then, this is me being negative!
1. Thinking About Training All Day Long. I don’t know about you, but thinking about training all day drives me nuts. I know, I know, I should love to workout, and I do enjoy the workout; it’s just the thought of going to the gym after working all day wears me out. I wish I were a morning person, so I could get the workout out of the way, but I’m not. Congratulations to those that are morning people. I commend you. But for me, a real night owl, sometimes I don’t get to the gym until 9 or 10 at night. I really enjoy the days that I don’t have to train. So sue me!!!!
3. Crowded Gyms. For me, it’s hard enough to get motivated to put myself through an hour and half of misery, but to add a crowded gym to the mix is something I truly hate. Since I’m not a morning person, I have to go to the gym with the rest of the peasants after work. I finally get the kids taken care of and the wife pacified for a 2 hour gym pass, to get there and find that everyone else had the exact same idea. Standing around waiting for gym equipment just sucks.
5. Infomercials. I really hate the way they sell to the stupid people. Do this ab machine for 10 seconds a day and you too can look just like Schven. People must be eating this crap up since the infomercial doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. What I really hate is that these commercials make me very cynical. What if one of the machines is very beneficial and I overlook it because I assume that they all suck. Why do they have to make it look so damn easy? I don’t know about you, but I’m never smiling like that while I’m working out.
6. No Pain …. No Gain. Man do I hate that slogan. To me, the slogan should be, “no pain…no pain.” Now that is something I can sink my teeth into. I know; you have to work the muscle to the point of pain to have any effect. That’s what I hate about it. Wouldn’t it be cool if you could think your muscles into shape? Who knows, maybe we can. They say that we only use 10 % of our brain or something like that. Maybe the other 90% is for training our muscles without lifting a finger. The next time your veggin’ on the couch, try thinking of being in better shape. Who knows, maybe I discovered something; a new infomercial maybe?
7. People that Try to Make Diet and Exercise Complicated. What drives me completely nuts are people at the gym who like to tell you how many calories or carbs they have had that day, and how much they have been working out. Can’t they see I’m busy trying to think myself into better shape? Seriously though, diet and exercise are really quit simple. Eat a smart well balanced diet, and exercise three to four times per week. If you are looking for world class results like Lance Armstrong, then hire a trainer and make it as complicated as you like. Otherwise, make your routine a KISS routine (Keep it Simple Stupid).
8. Training My Abs. For some reason I have never been able to get those six-pack abs. I really hate those guys (and girls) that are able to get the perfect six-pack. I used to have a pretty decent 4-pack, but I traded it in for a 12-pack. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Doing a thousand sit-ups and maintaining the perfect diet just seems like too much work. What the hell, who needs a six-pack when you’re married with children. Maybe I’ll just blame it on my age. I can now ride the +40 class. Ouch, that hurts to say.
9. Feeling Like Your Gonna Puke. I’m sure you have been there. We all have. That feeling that you get right after that last set of grueling plyometric squats, or trying not to hurl right after your last set of wind sprints. Every muscle in your body is begging for relief and somehow it all comes down to the stomach.
10. Running. For those of you that enjoy running, I congratulation you. Personally, I’d rather be watching old reruns of Lawrence Welk or something. At least that wouldn’t be so boring. Maybe I hate running so much because I’m not very good at it. I get tired within a few steps and it feels like 1 mile is more like 10. At any rate, I find running the most boring exercise ever invented.
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